I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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