also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm too high and old for this...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
