I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
