No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
