Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am naked and annoyed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize