You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am one with the molecules
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
