that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
