the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
