first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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