so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
