Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
