just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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