A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
