It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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