Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize