I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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