why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
