you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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