Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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