If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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