Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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