I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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