I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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