Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
