I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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