she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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