I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
