i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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