Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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