her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
