We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
