he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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