i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
