I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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