sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
