I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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