theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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