I look better un-naked...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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