I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
