I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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