I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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