i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
