so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
