so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
