I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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