She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
