i love accidental penises.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
