He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
