i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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