Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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