is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All the doctor said was why
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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