we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize