Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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