why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this is an emotional support booty call
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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