The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
