You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
