you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
