I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
