If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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