I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
