Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize