dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Say something about gay babies.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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