It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Your dad touched me again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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