My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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