I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize