we have pet lesbian snakes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
