Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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