I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
