He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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