Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
