I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
