I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
