her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I said "one day" and that day is not today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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