I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
