Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
