My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
