Welp...herpes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
