your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
