my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
