DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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