He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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