I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize