as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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