Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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