$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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