Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
