so that wasnt chicken after all
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
