That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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