i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
