I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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