just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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