It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
