his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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