So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
