32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
wow bdsm is so cute
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
