mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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